Inside my curly head...

hottttt

2004-05-25T12:08:00.001-04:00

So summer is almost here, eh(I STILL HAVE TWO WEEKS LEFT!)? It's freakin hot enough.

Nose HOLES

2004-04-22T16:19:00.000-04:00

So, guess what? I got my nose pierced! My friend Grace just turned 18, and has always wanted to get her belly button pierced. You can't do it without parental consent unless you are 18, though, so she's been waiting and waiting!

So anyway, she and my friend Kristy and I all went. Kristy got the little triangle part of her ear periced (she already has her belly done), and I got my right NOSTRIL done. AND OH MAN DID IT HURT! It was horrible! I was thinking it would be just like an ear piercing, BUT NO! PLUS, I guess my nose has thick cartiledge or somthing because the guy had to push so hard that the needle went too far and slightly stuck my LIP. That didn't hurt very much though...but everything else did!....owwwwyyyyyyy.

So it was bleeding all over the place for most of the night and I wake up in the morning only to find that the stud that the guy had put in wasn't even all the way through my nose. He had bent the end of it so it would stay, but the BENT part was just stuck in my nose flesh! My nose was swollen as it was, and the stud was not LONG enough! It was horrible! So I had to go back the next day to have then RE-DO it...(it didn't hurt as bad though...there was already a hole!). Then I found out that I would have to get an actual RING to make sure that it didn't close up on me again. I WAS FURIOUS. So, I just said put the stud back in I'll get an earring back to put on it. SO here I was with an earring back IN MY NOSE that is on too tight so that the stud was almost completely IN my nose. I was so afraid that the hole would heal back over the stud that I had to figure some way to keep the stud out of my nose hole. And guess what? A bobby pin works great. I stretched it far enough so that it would keep the stud between it and it is currently clasped to the stud on my nose. I know I look like a complete idiot, but for heaven's sake! I want the thing to last!

Don't worry, I'll take it off before I go out in public... but for now you all are my public. Laugh it up...I should get a picture of this and put it on here...

Rainy, Rainy

2004-04-13T13:25:00.000-04:00

Well, everyone, can I visit for graduation? Of COURSE! I'll be up there the Friday before and leave on sunday. UNFORTUNATELY, I will still have class at that point...ah, well.

So it's raining. And it's 38. And I feel like I'm in Michigan again.

My green tea has a hint of really old coffee mixed in while I'm writing this. And it is NOT a good combination!

So I miss some Hillsdaleians lately! Miss the drunken field adventures, and a little bit of the Beat, and making fun of the fratties, and hearing the Kappas scream (oh, wait, nevermind!!). The dorms? Don't miss them at all. I incurred three fines last semester, all because of a certain boyfriend of mine. I don't miss Saga either. I miss the PEOPLE! it IS the people! And the professors. Maybe I'll run into Dr. Riest!

Funerals

2004-03-23T09:13:00.000-05:00

Well, the woody van finally died the other day. Sad but true. It had had its little check engine light on for months, and no one ever found out what it needed! I had put oil in it, but it still would smoke, and run loudly and groan whenever I started to drive. I really think it had some sort of Van Cancer...it was in a lot of pain.

So yesterday, I'm in the parking garage of my school, and I went to start the poor thing and it just would'nt. It made a screeching noise every time I tried to. Poor thing.

Anyway, the hunt for a new car is on! (FINALLY!!!!!!!!) I will let you all know what I end up with. (Since you care soooo much).

P.S. There are a lot more interesting things going on, but who cares?

Dentist

2004-03-10T18:58:00.000-05:00

Guys, floss, okay? I have three new cavities in between my teeth that need to be filled.

If you enjoy needles in your gums, drills, sanders, cotton in your mouth and dentist gloves stretching your mouth as far as your lips will stretch, go ahead and forget the floss! Because as much as it hurts when you DO floss, it is NOT worth the pain and suffering that the dentists enjoy inflicting upon you. Plus, you end up drooling, feeling like your mouth is 50X bigger than it is, and only being able to smile with one side of your mouth which makes you look like a sort of retard with facial deformities. Not cool. I had to schedule another one of these hours of hell today after getting one filled and was trying to figure out a night in where I don't work. Who wants to be waited on by a slobbery, facially deformed waitress? Nobody does.

PMS

2004-02-20T13:20:00.000-05:00

So. I'm sure there are guys out there that are non-believers in the PMS "thing", but let me tell you, it does exist.

During this time most women are extremely emotional. Either very angry, sad, tired, annoyed, or just plain moody! And trust me, it is hard to ignore these horrible mood swings. At the slightest rebuke a girl might just burst into tears! She might cry while listening to cheezy Country Songs about little kids, lost love, dead dogs or fishing. She might even cry while watching Winne the Pooh. Or because her hair won't do what she wants it to.

Don't ignore the poor girl's tears, but be sure to leave her at a bit of a distance, she might just bite you. Comfort at this time is a thing welcomed but not. She wants sympathy, but not to be touched, and not too much sympathy at that.

Her annoyance tolerance at this time is very, very, low. Watch how you talk, burp, smile, walk, and chew. If she confronts you on these normal, everyday actions (most likely violently), just continue on. She will soon become so disgusted that she will move on her way and leave you in peace.

First and foremost, do not, do not, do not, disagree with her in any way during this time. The results could be fatal and harmful, especially to your lower region.

In conclusion, guys, if a girl is moody, just give her a day or two and she should be back to normal. After all, this whole thing is your fault in the first place, it's just so we can have your babies. And trust me, I haven't even described the weirdest part.

Well...i am a delinquent blogger

2004-02-18T09:58:00.000-05:00

I have to go be a substitute teacher, and I didn't realize what time it was when I started on this so i have to run! But everyone, I'm doing well. PLEASE keep in touch! I miss some of you!

My address is emack0430@yahoo.com

I will always write back if I'm feeling like it. ;)

I'll write another more comprehensive blog later, if I'm feeling like it.

Tires

2004-01-31T15:09:00.000-05:00

So remember the woody van? Last night while on the highway in -5 degree weather the front tire just came off. Just popped right off and left us to coast to a stop on the axle or whatever that thing is. Sparks were flying. Everyone was fine and it was a really very "smooth crash landing" to quote Mark. But remember there is no heat in the van, and it's -5 degrees! We (my friend Grace, Mark, Mark's brother and I) were rescued by a frozen sherrif and his wife and crammed into a cop car (WITHOUT SEATBELTS! Isn't that a State Law?!) and driven to a near by Wal-Mart to wait for my dad to pick us all up. It's three in the morning by this point and we are an hour and a half away from home. Dad arrives at four-thirty and we drive to the wheelless vehicle and wait another 40 minutes for the tow-truck to get there. We get home at 7:45 or so without sleep. Luckily, I had nothing to do today!

The official status of the woody is yet to be determined.

State Schools

2004-01-28T22:22:00.000-05:00

10 reasons state schools are good:

1. Martin Luther King day
2. Snow days
3. QUARTERS
4. Easy classes
5. I'm smarter than a lot of the people around me (for a change!)
6. CHEAPER
7. Mark is close
8. Mark is close
9. Mark is close
10. Mark is close

The Woody Van

2004-01-21T21:18:00.000-05:00

We have NO snow. It's just cold. And the piece of shit VAN that I'm driving has no heat. It is a 94 EXTENDED DODGE CARAVAN with a forest green top, a woody middle and a forest green bottom. This thing is a piece of work. I feel so much like a 300 pound black single mother when I drive it (i listen to booty in the car too...). I'm just about as broke so the feeling is almost overwhelming. BOTH of the rearview mirrors are busted into a thousand little reflections (my mom and my brother did this. NOT ME. They say BOTH of the poles just came out of nowhere. It wasn't their fault!), but lucky for me, I know which section to look at when I am switching lanes.The right drivers' side door is stuck LOCKED, so no one can get in. They either have to slide in my side under the steering wheel, or get in the side door and climb to the front. The back big long window is no longer attached to the plastic holder that opens and shuts it so every time i turn right it opens and then slams shut when i straighten out. Only one of the headlights works, and not very well at that. It points directly on the road about a foot infront of the car (did I mention it is duct taped in?). I keep the brights on at night because there is only ONE bright, and it just points about a foot farther out on the road anyway. In conclusion, I need a car.

HOME!

2004-01-18T15:05:00.000-05:00

Well, I don't know if anyone else ever is going to read my blog again, but I thought I'd give this whole thing one more stab.

I love being home. Love being in my house. Love being back with my church. Love being with Mark. I'm teaching Sunday school to 6-8 year olds, and today was the third day of creation. Does anyone know what was created on the third day???? Hmmm??

Anyway, I'm taking two classes Feminist Art History....it's alright...and a drawing class....which is also alright. I am looking forward to going full time in March.

I'm tutoring high schoolers for 15 bucks an hour, and being a secretary for my church. I'm also working for a non-profit organization that ministers to single mother families. I'm running my church's youth group, including leading a girls Bible Study, and making sure I spend enough time with the boy.

Anyway...in conclusion I am at peace.

I hope everyone's semester is going well so far. I'll be up to visit soon!

2003-12-10T20:55:00.000-05:00

I think I just want Mark to come up here and impregnate me so that I don't have to go to school any more. Ever.

9 days

2003-12-07T21:22:00.000-05:00

I don't think it's sunk in that I'm leaving yet. I think I'm excited...I KNOW I'll be excited in the heat of finals. Will anyone miss me? Huh. I WILL come visit. I promise.

I want this ring..............eieieeeee

2003-12-05T14:22:00.000-05:00

Speaking of Engagement rings, I LOVE this ring! It's totally sexy...way too much money, however.

Anniversary

2003-12-04T16:49:00.000-05:00

Today is Mark and my 6 month anniversary...it's flown.

Dark

2003-12-04T16:48:00.000-05:00

So I think we never realize how much our sins affect others or ourselves until we fall in love and try to get along with our other half. This is not an Erin-in-love-with-Mark post (even though I AM), I promise, just something I realized again last night.

Every mistake we make, every character flaw we give up on and into, every piece of our heart we give away to sin or someone else will affect the person we marry. There's no way around it. The way we were brought up will even sometime cause conflict.

I continually fail to remember how much my mistakes have affected others. CONTINUALLY. I was literally writhing in anger and pain over some of the choices I've made in the past that have made things with Mark so much harder. "If only I had/hadn't..." This person that you love so much forgives you of course, but there is no way to erase the fact that you have already deeply hurt them, and their view of you has changed. They no longer trust you fully, and only after time will they be able to again.

I think if I could wish for one thing, I would want to control time. Only to stop it and go backwards, though. I would freeze it where I wanted it, rewind it and re-do things. The fascination with time travel is no wonder.

Everything we do has the ability to give life or death. Every choice, every second we are enlivening or killing. Even if the affects of certain selfishnesses aren't seen yet, they will bear their nasty teeth somtime during our lives. Count on it.

Dover Beach

2003-12-03T22:18:00.000-05:00

So, I just got done writing a paper comparing Walt Whitman and Ferlinghetti, and now I'm writing on Matthew Arnold's "Dover Beach". If everyone graded like Dr. Scalia (I get all A's) I would be much more motivated to write and research GOOD papers. I think I have learned more from him than I have from Somverville. Lack of fear and threat in the classroom really helps students learn. I know this, I learned it in Educational Psychology. Now it is my reality. I'm not saying be a push-over professor, but at least give some glimmer of hope to your students realizing that YOUR CLASS is not the ONLY class they are taking. (p.s. there is more than one way to write a paper, JOHN!)

Anyway, Dover Beach is on my mind. I even broke out some maps of England and France to figure out where exacly it is. Pretty good, huh? I know nothing about Matthew Arnold, and don't really like Victorian Literature, but I liked the sound and picutres it created in my head so I'm writing about it.

DOVER BEACH
By Matthew Arnold
The sea is calm tonight,
The tide is full, the moon lies fair
Upon the straits; on the French coast the light
Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand,
Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.
Come to the window, sweet is the night air!
Only, from the long line of spray
Where the sea meets the moon-blanched land,
Listen! you hear the grating roar
Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling,
At their return, up the high strand,
Begin, and cease, and then again begin,
With tremulous cadence slow, and bring
The eternal note of sadness in.

Sophocles long ago
Heard it on the Agean, and it brought
Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow
Of human misery; we
Find also in the sound a thought,
Hearing it by this distant northern sea.

The Sea of Faith
Was once, too, at the full, and round earth's shore
Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furled.
But now I only hear
Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,
Retreating, to the breath
Of the night wind, down the vast edges drear
And naked shingles of the world.

Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.

1867

kissing

2003-11-30T19:23:00.000-05:00

I think there should be a class on kissing--For all those wistful pretty little girls who are imagining it's wonderful.

First of all, it's slobbery. Keep that tounge it it's container untill you have the lips together part down. Even after that, it's no good to shove the whole thing in anyone's mouth. Everything is better in moderation. ;o)
Secondly, it's sucky. Don't suck.
Thirdly, it can get boring (Believe it or not!). There are only SO many things you can do with your mouth!
Fourthly, it is BEST with the person you love and are going to spend the rest of your life with. Seems like at this point, it would be fun with anyone? no. wrong. Try it if you don't believe me.

*smooch*

I want

2003-11-21T16:26:00.000-05:00

What do you want? I mean really think about it. What DO you want? What do you need to happen sometime in your life for you to be "happy"? What are the essential things that need to fall into place, what do you need to accomplish, what needs to be said or done to satisfy you so that you can say "I've lived!. Now, I can die fufilled." Obviously, we all want to please ourselves. That is the undeniable, sinful human impulse, but everybody's desires are different. Deep down, squashed together, summarized, analized, and compacted, what do you want? A family? Money? Fame? Love? Sex? To write a book? To be famous? What...? I'm not looking for a million comments, just somthing I've been thinking about. I've wanted to ask people this question so many times...but at the risk of being cheesy, or like certain other touchy feely people I know, I refrain. Just think about it.

2003-11-19T23:14:00.000-05:00

so i'm trying to figure out to add the comments thing to my posts...

MY HOME CHURCH!

2003-11-18T01:46:00.000-05:00

Christ The King Reformed Episcopal Church Home

My dad's the one in the robe, and you can see my sister and my little brother in the front left row! I miss them!

sTuCk

2003-11-18T01:39:00.000-05:00

So I spilled Tea WITH honey all over my keyboard the other day, and it wouldn't space or do 'b's' or 'n's' or 'v's'. I had given up all hope until Emily told me that Bob Golding had had a similar experience (-the tea+a beer). He remedied his situation by putting his keyboard in a hot shower, and it was as good as new. I decided to take this advice (dispite my boyfriend's MOCKING, NEGATIVE comments) and sure enough, a good hot rinsing got it up and working again. Thanks, Bob. Couldn't have done it without you.

Suddennessess

2003-11-17T16:54:00.000-05:00

Well, my dad called this morning. My grampa who has had cancer for about a year just died this morning at about 1am. It's not too big of a surprise, he was sick for a long time. This man had not been married to my grama for too long, I think she got remarried to him when I was 8 or 9, but that's still quite a long time to be sharing everything with someone. I was never really close to him either. His transition into the family was a little awkward. He lived with my grama for a while before they got married, and we never knew exactly what to call him, "Bill" or "Grampa"? "Grampa Bill" is what us grandkids settled on. I just really really feel a big hole in my heart for my grama. She's in her 70's and is now suddenly all alone. Now I don't know what she'll do. They have two properties to take care of, one in Columbus, Ohio and one way down in the middle of nowhere, Ohio, about 8 hours from here. She might start living with us, and if that's the case, I would want her to have my room. Who wants to stay in the place that you've built with someone else? who wants to be surrounded by memories and posessions of someone that you can't touch or hug anymore? I cannot imagine her pain. I've never lost anyone close to me, I've only witnessed it from afar. A few of my friends have lost mothers and best friends, but I've never really been touched. I'm thankful, except that it means I'm still waiting in horror for someone close to me to just drop off and abandon me. At this point, I hope purgatory IS a real place...this man showed no evidence of believing in God. Ironically today was the day my dad was going to talk to him about his God. He now has to trust in God's justice and unfailing mercy. Poor grama. What is she to do now? The funeral is on Saturday morning. thank God for a nice boy who will drive to get me.

FRYDAY

2003-11-14T17:17:00.000-05:00

can't wait to see mark.can't wait to see mark.can't wait to see mark.can't wait to see mark.can't wait to see mark.can't wait to see mark.can't wait to see mark.can't wait to see mark.can't wait to see mark.can't wait to see mark.can't wait to see mark.

and that's all.

glad this week is over...have a somerville paper due on monday, and my cutsie boyfriend is coming to hog up all my writing time. AND I DON'T CARE! yay for operas, sweatshirts, and candy.

AS IF I HAVE TIME

2003-11-13T19:21:00.000-05:00

i hate writing. i really really hate writing. 'then why are you an english major," you say? well i'll tell you. i don't know. i have a somerville paper due on monday, i've been working on it for at LEAST a month, and it sucks. the simple fact is i am not a good writer. i cannot write an a paper for my measlely life. i have never, in my whole hillsdale career earned an a on a paper. i think that this passionate, fiery hate, however, is what makes me love english. i hold excellent writers in the utmost respect; to me they are god-like. those who can convince, entice, argue, describe, move and teach through writing, are amazing to me(especially those that can get an a+ from somerville). my best friend at this moment would be someone who could create a few spare hours that i don't have to sit down and help me write well. i think i should have found this person my first semester...someone who would have walked me through, but for now(*sigh*), i'll labor almost in vain, do my best without the desired letter grade, and understand that i am learning...even if the lesson be patience and endurance.

2003-11-04T23:06:00.000-05:00

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is discord, vision.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
~St. Francis

Missing

2003-11-04T21:09:00.000-05:00

I'm officially outta here at Christmas time guys. I will no longer be a Hillsdale College student next semester. I'm transferring in to a bigger Catholic University in my home town, University of Dayton, and I'll be living at home.

I am so ready to be done.

I'm leaving because:
1. Going to school in state and living at home will make finishing my undergrad degree MUCH cheaper. My parents are currently paying for most of my school, and I have accumulated small loans every semester I've been there. Because I'll be saving so much money, I will be able to go to to Europe this summer and study ON-SITE art history, start paying off the damn student loans that I accumulated HERE, and save up to get married to my boy!

2. I want to pursue special education. I want to teach neglected and abused children and to do that you need a special ed. teaching certificate. Hillsdale offers no such form of certification.

3. I really want to be close to my family, my church and Mark. I have grown up in Dayton, in my church and in my house, and ever since I came here three years ago I have longed to be there. My church is growing more each week, and there is a real need for a youth group coordinator and behind the scenes person. I did that when I was home for the summer, and my place was never filled. I love the teenage girls in my church, of which my sister is one, and would love to invest time and energy into them. My heart and desire is to see my church grow, and to see the city of Dayton minstered to effectivly and changed. Cheezy!? yep. but this is my heart. I love my family, and get along with all of them so well, and I miss them like crazy. And Mark, who WOULDN'T want to be close to that boy?! Just look at him!

4. I have several friends still at home that I also miss...

5. The weather doesn't change in OHIO every three hours. It's warmer, (no joke, check out weather.com--at least ten degrees warmer than here)

6. It's a big cultured city (no joke again, many art museams, three major theaters that run Broadway shows, three large colleges/universities), and it's my HOME.

Most importantly, Dayton, Ohio, next semester, is where I belong. It is where my heart is at peace, it is where I long to be.

So adios amigos. I truly believe that this is where God is leading me (so ha!). The only thing that I will miss about this place is the people. Is that so horrible? I want no "We'll miss you's" no "Don't go's"...because most of the time it's just not true, and you know next semester will be the same as the ones before with or without me. Just pretend I'm graduating. I'm sure I'll be back up to visit once or twice, and you'll be invited to my wedding. :)

2003-10-29T23:05:00.000-05:00

The truth must dazzle gradually
or every man be blind--

~Dickinson

Thesessssssssssssss

2003-10-28T23:25:00.000-05:00

I have SOMERVILLE! And I can't write a frickin THESIS. What the heck kind of English major am I!? A retarted one, obviously...

Biding my time...

2003-10-27T02:21:00.000-05:00

You are more wonderful than I could ever have imagined.
You are more wonderful than I could ever have imagined.

Stars will chase the sun from the sky,
But your memory, my friend, will remain.
Years will chase you from my body;
Your eyes keep me alive.

Bide your time for me.
Bide your time for me.

Take a chance on me.
Walk a while with me.

Bide your time for me.
Bide your time for me.

2003-10-26T19:22:00.000-05:00

And by the way, I miss Mark. A lot.

2003-10-26T19:20:00.000-05:00

Trying to figure out how to do html. I successfully changed fonts and colors, BUT I am NOT a computer nerd, therefore I never learned how! AND NOW that I want to make this page somewhat COOL, I wish I WERE a computer nerd. Hmm...maybe someone will teach me. Is there a website for learning this stuff? I just want to add some pretty pictures and stuff.

2003-10-24T19:25:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite things in the whole world is a windy day--especially when the sky is bluer than blue, and when the leaves are falling off of the trees and swirling around in mini tornados across the sidewalk. I feel enlivened by it, like God is having fun blowing his creation around. I feel like He's happy, and touching me when the wind lifts my hair off of my head in thirty different directions at once. It's like a little joke...making me look silly.

The wind makes me breathe deeply. Ever blown in the face of a baby? They take a deep breath and squish their face up and smile when they don't feel your breath anymore. Yeah, that's it. God is gently blowing in our faces and loving watching us react.

Breathe deeply today, guys. It's amazing what it does to your mood.

2003-10-21T23:40:00.000-04:00

After a devastating championship loss to the Kappa's IM football team, I, Erin McNamara, a not so proud Fighting Nancy, have decided to begin my very first blog. Seems to be the trendy thing for a Hillsdale College kid to do now-a-days, and hey, it's a nice little way to post things that people will never read. Well, anyway...I'm not feeling incredibly inspired...................
Just angry at the loss tonight. The Kappas deserved the win, though.

We were pretty evenly matched.

I guess the reason that I'm so angry is because I DIDN'T PLAY! I've been to more practices than ANY of the other linewomen, I'm smaller and squirmier on the defensive, and damnit, I'm faster! I respect many of the girls we played against, and the overall attitude of the green Nancies was downright mean. *sigh* I just like winning. That's all. Good game Kappas.

ONE MORE THING! I just get so angry when, after a loss, people are saying "good game" to their team mates, "it's okay", "we're still better"...yeah right. IF ALL THOSE THINGS ARE TRUE WE SHOULD HAVE WON!

one sore loser(literally...my lip was bleeding!).

2003-10-21T20:14:00.000-04:00

yeah